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By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM In my practice, by the time someone books a consultation, she has usually done her research, and the research has made things worse. She knows she needs trauma therapy. She has read enough to know that talking about her problems for years has not reached them. And then she hit the acronyms: EMDR, Brainspotting, CRM, somatic this, bilateral that, each with its own evangelists, each described in la

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM In my practice, the question arrives in a dozen disguises. But it is always the same question. Do I have trauma? Does what happened to me count? Am I allowed in this conversation, or am I making something out of nothing? The people asking are almost never the ones you would expect. They are competent, self-aware, often the steadiest person in every room they occupy. Many of them open our first co

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM You got out. You left the relationship, went no-contact with the parent, or the abuse finally ended some other way. You expected to feel lighter. Free, even. You had survived the hardest thing, and now it was over. Instead, you can barely get off the couch. The future looks flat and grey. Things that used to bring you pleasure produce nothing. There is a heaviness you cannot explain and a hopeles

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM In my practice, I hear a particular sentence so often that I have come to think of it as a diagnostic in its own right: I have always been the problem. Not I am the problem in this marriage. Not I was the problem in my family. Always. The word is doing the real work in that sentence, because it tells me the belief predates every relationship the person can point to. It was installed before the ma

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM You finally did the thing everyone online seemed to recommend. You went no-contact, or low-contact, with the narcissistic parent who hurt you. You expected relief. You had earned relief. Instead, the guilt arrived like a tide. The grief came in waves you did not see coming, grief for a person who is still alive. And somewhere in the background, a chorus started up: "but that's your mother," "fami

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM Picture two children raised in the same house, by the same parents, eating at the same table. One of them can never seem to do anything right. They are the difficult one, the sensitive one, the source of the family's problems, the child whose name is said with a sigh. The other can never seem to do anything wrong. They are the pride, the proof, the one whose achievements get repeated to relatives

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM You tell someone something that hurt. Maybe it spills out at the end of a long day, or maybe you have been holding it for weeks and it finally surfaces. And before the words have fully landed, the response arrives. "Oh, you'll be fine." "Don't worry, it'll all work out." "Everything happens for a reason." "You're safe now." You nod. You say thank you. And somehow you feel more alone than you did

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM You are thirty-four years old. You live in a city where you have lived for six years, which is the longest you have ever lived anywhere. You have a job you are good at. You have a relationship that is, mostly, working. You have friends who like you. You should be settled, by every external measure. Your nervous system has not been informed of this. Something happens, and you notice that you are a

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM "So, where are you from?" For most people it is small talk. For a third culture kid, it is one of the most complicated questions in the world. It produces a pause, a quick internal calculation, and usually an oversimplified answer that does not feel remotely true. If you grew up moving between countries and cultures, never quite from anywhere, you may have spent your whole life as the person who

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM It is 0530. You are awake before your alarm. You have been awake, in some configuration, since about 0247 when your nervous system informed you it was done sleeping. You have a brief in two hours. You have already mentally rehearsed every emergency procedure you might encounter today. You have already done your weight-and-balance calculations in your head three times. You have already noticed tha

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM It is 11:47 PM. You are alone in the house. The kids are asleep. The dog has finally settled. You are sitting on the edge of your bed in pajamas your service member has never seen because they were not home when you bought them. Your phone is face-down on the nightstand and you are not reaching for it, because if there is news, you do not want to see it on a screen. You want to hear it from someo

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM You are off shift. The radio is finally off. You are at your kitchen table at 1:14 AM with a glass of water and you cannot tell why you are sitting there. The last call of the shift was routine. Nothing about it should be in your body. And yet. Or you are in your truck in the parking lot at the station, twenty minutes after your shift ended, because you cannot quite make the transition from work-

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM It is 2:47 AM. You have been off shift for three hours. You are in your bed, your eyes are closed, and you are watching the code from earlier in the day. Again. The third one this month. The young one. Your hands on her chest. The look the resident gave you when you called it. The way the family started screaming in the hallway when you walked out. You are trying to sleep because you have a 7 AM

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM It is 11:30 PM on a Tuesday in late August. The National Hurricane Center has upgraded the system in the central Caribbean to a Category 1, and the cone of uncertainty has shifted west again. You refresh the forecast page for the third time tonight. Your kids are asleep. Your spouse is asleep. The dog is asleep. You are not asleep. You tell yourself it is probably nothing. The models are still sp

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM In most initial consultations I do, this question comes up in some form within the first ten minutes. I know therapy works in person. But can it really work for trauma? Online? The question is reasonable. The assumption underneath it usually is not. Most people asking this have done some kind of online therapy before and found it thin. They are not wrong about that experience. They are wrong abou

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM There is a moment I see often. Someone is describing things a parent did, things that are genuinely, objectively painful. The dismissals. The rage that arrived without warning. The way love seemed to depend on performance, and disappeared the moment they had a need of their own. And then, almost in the same breath, they soften it. "But they did their best." "I was a difficult kid." "It wasn't tha

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM You left the conversation knowing something had happened to you. You could not articulate it then, and the words have not come easily since. You raised a concern, brought up something they had done that hurt you, named a pattern you had been noticing. And somehow, by the end of the exchange, you were the one apologizing. The one being accused. The one whose behavior had become the focus, while th

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM It is three weeks after your last EMDR session and you are crying in your car for what feels like no reason. The session was not particularly intense at the time. You walked out feeling, if anything, a little numb. You spent the following days at your usual pace, somewhat tired but not noticeably different. And now you are sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store, breath catching, tears comi

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM There is a particular kind of confusion that arrives partway through trauma therapy. Sometimes in the first few months, sometimes after years of genuine and productive work. The client has made real progress. The chronic activation has decreased. The triggers are less automatic. The insight is deeper and more embodied than it was. Something has genuinely shifted. And then the resistance arrives.

By Dr. Maria Niitepold, PsyD | Licensed Psychologist | EMDR, Brainspotting & CRM If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, the wound is not always where people expect to find it. You may not have a clear story of abuse. There may not be a single event you can point to. You may have been told, repeatedly, how lucky you were, how much they sacrificed, how good you had it. From the outside, the family may have looked enviable: high-functioning, accomplished, well-spoken. The da